Life is not 3D..is it?: PART II

THANX EVERYONE...for not reading my last post... U missed nothing great....

but as i recall... i was on saying something real unpleasant to u last time..and i never miss an opportunity for saying unpleasant things so i m gonna continue saying (or more truthfully writing) it...

So, we were talking abt my resolutions... i mean my no-resolution resolution (by the way this sounds interesting).. and as u were dancing and enjoying and crying 'hallelujah' over that.. (which all is a just a fantasy in my mind..coz none of u actually read it), i ve asked u for caution... the caution abt not becoming over happy or too-hopeful... coz i m never gonna let u ppl rest in peace (when u alive..that is)...so here goes the real story...

Disclaimer : if you've ignored my plea for caution and been in a happy spirit these days॥ and the real story breaks Ur heart... the author, meaning i will not be held responsible..

so... as only one of my resolution of last year was carried out.. i ve decided to ... carry them out... cm on...the year aint over yet.. i can still can do it.. so help me God, Assange, Superman and u ppl... u may laugh or curse.. but i hope this shud be done.. this wud nt change me but at least better me (i cant get worse i am the SI unit of bad)...

Life is not 3D..is it?.. and by the way, i m back...

Its that time of the year again..

Cant blame me? its just the season.. the cold early december air is the culprit i guess... yes, its that time of the year again.. those of you who were stupid (...or emotionaly blind) enough to read my blog ever will remember it.. (though not too happily, i guess)... yes ur fear is true... its the time of resolutions and retrospections once again... ha ha ha.. and you thought i wud forgot that it was december, na...

anyways... as i m not sounding even remotely funny we shud get on wid the things on hand... now here is a good news for u... guess, guess... no i am not closing the blog, u idiots.. (the title says i m back for god's sake)... and no i m not taking a vow of self-containment... the news is...that, that... this year i am not gonna make any fresh resolutions... (i hear claping, applause, plenty of oh thank gods, many thank yous).. see that was a good or even gr8 news for you people... Caution, Caution.. dont be so happy...

Actually, as all (maybe except one) of last years resolutions of mine were not kept... so, i ve been thinking... (why are you so terrified, a guy is just thinking)... and i concluded that its better not do that again (it wud be like remaking RGV's AAG....Er, what did u say- Ramu is considering it, Gawd ).... so, there are no resolutions this year... (Hurray, la la la, GOD saved the kin)...but...

WILL BE BACK with..... Life is not 3D..is it?: PART II

pawas neer and the bare cupboard...

ok this one is not about sachin...
yeah, i know he hit a 200, got the highest runs, made history, blah, blah, blah... there is nothing new in it, sachin was just doing his job... no, no, its not playing cricket, that one is for the lesser beings in the world of the game of bat, ball and 22 yard pitch...sachin's job is to play... no, no not cricket... i told u it was for the pontings, dhonis, smiths and sehwags... sachin plays a much higher one.. his job is to play GOD... and on the 25th of this month at gwaliar he did just that... he just did his job... (well, that too calls for much cheering and celebrations and hysteria, as very few in our esteemed country do their jobs well)... but thats that...
i m punching the key-board just to talk about me... (yes i m the most self-centred one on this planet..but then maybe its my job)... on the 18th or (maybe 19th) day of my self-exile i decided i needed to do something about myself... so i did some self assesment.... trust me, its fun... i added, substarcted, multiplied, divided and sachined (that is when u do something mathematically immpossible like hitting 200 in 50 overs) and sibbaled (this one u know) all the known and unknown factors in my life... and found an answer... siffer (0).... shunya...
now, dont shun it... '0' is the one of most important discoveries of all time (havnt u seen manoj bharat kumar's purab aur paschim)... but if its presiding as the sum of all ur achivements in life, its not pretty... so i re-checked, re-calculated, re-sachined, re-sibbaled and even tharoored (i mean twittered) some f my friends for help... but the result was the same.... 0.
i thought of all the shiny, hard-earned medals, sheilds and trophies in my cupboard back home... and then cancled them out.... yes my cupboard was empty... as bare as the wicket column of dale steyn in the last match...
i dont know... what shoud one do when... when all u have got in ur life is an empty slate...
one option was to deny everything (like the pakistani secy. did when asked about hafeez saeed)... or i cud have screamed foul play and gone and jumped from the burj khalifa (or maybe the civic center at minto road, its nearer)...
or maybe it was a chance to stats afresh... to write new things on the empty slate...(by the way why r we saying slate, it wud be better to say laptop nwdays)... to do something which does not get wiped out by the waves of life's ups and downs...
well, the last one sounded coolest.. so i ve decided to do something meaningful... to get that bloody siffer out of my book... i m on that path now... but the score is still the big 0... maybe i ve to something bloody big... is writing this blog counts?

P.S.- all my posts are folllowing one single theme nwdays, my miseries, my realizations and my inaction... mybe i m getting the MADHUR BHANDARKAR syndrome.. wat say u....

kis kaam ke yeh resolution....

do din ki chutti, valentine day ko aap offc na aao to girlfriend bane na bane, kam se kam reputation to ban hi jati hai...

the real test is now....

tomorrow is saturday... the real test begins now..

मेरा नाम खान तो नहीं है...

जब मैं बारहवी में था तो जिस कालोनी में रहा करता था वहां खेल का एक बड़ा मैदान था... हम वहां क्रिकेट खेला करते थे... एक लड़का वहां खेलने आया करता था, किसी बड़े मिनिस्टर का बेटा था... एक दिन तीन बार वो जीरो पर आउट हुआ ... उसने अगले दिन कहा यहाँ अब फूटबाल खेला जाएगा... मना करने पर उसका कहना था ये खेलो या कुछ नहीं खेलने दूंगा .... मरते क्या न करते वहां फूटबाल खेला जाने लगा... कुछ हम जैसे थे जिन्होंने खेलना ही छोड़ दिया ....
बात बहुत पुरानी है लेकिन आज फिर याद aayi है... शायद उस लड़के का चेहरा मुझे आज फिर टीवी पर नज़र आया... nahin uska chehra nahin tha... kisi aur ka tha... kisi thackre ka... lekin khel bhi waisa hi tha... maidan bhi... aur zid bhi... iss baar bhi khelna chod du kya doston kya kehte ho... kya kiya jaye...

being alone..being personnal....

now it must be a new world record..I arrived at office on time...even the liftman was amazed...
ok, apologies for not writing lastnight... but things have not been going my way... so, today i decided to take a break... to do something different... i saw the Qutub again... i have seen it once already... but this time it looked different.. it was..arrr..it was more personnal i guess... i was me and the qutub.. no one else to share the experience... no one to show off my knowladge to... me and iltutmish, haaa... iltutmish or altamash... it was something else... i dont know why it made me smile.. maybe it was the silence...yes, definately it was the silence...
i ve not ridden an auto-rickshaw since the exile(!)... i ve ridden in buses and used metro.. i can even recognize now some of the faces in the metro... there is cute little group of girls...who speak in some language i dont recognize... and there is one guy with his left hand in a sling...
ok, ok i mst stop now... meanwhile i ve regained some control aftr the madness of last two days.. maybe (just maybe) i wud scrap through...
but one thing surely amazes me... i m enjoying my self-exile... i never thought this wud happen... maybe its because its just the beginning... maybe i will go beserk in some days... till then i m enjoying being alone, having my life more personnal...

and i thought i cud get away...i must have been daydreaming...

ha ha ha.. i dont know whether to laugh or to cry... maybe the best thing to do wud be to kick my adjacent chair...but that wud injure jhaji...and we are already shortstaffed...
my exile is in the third day today...and it already seems that all hell has broken loose...things that were not happening, and i even have not even dreamt of happening...are, well..... happenning...
i dont knw wat the future holds...i ve long ago given up on guessing the future and recently given up on making plans..and yet my self-exile is nothing but a plan... do u see the irony?...ha ha ha...all plans go wrong...and this one is going stray like..well..like a dog with its tail on fire..ok, thats not even funny but this is the best i m getting out of my system rite now..just three days and its looks over already..damn my luck...
anyways still trying to hold on to it...i know u r nt praying for me..so its me alone...will see some of u on 6th march...ciao...

30 days of solitude..

first of all, i must apologize to you GG marquez for borrowing ur title..but as my garndfather used to say, it you have to borrow then at least borrow big...so here goes...
now this one comes a day late...i ve just finished the second day of my self imposed, sanjana-suggested exile.. yes i am okay...but its not been a cakewalk either.. in these couple of days there had been many a times when i ve felt like sharing a joke or telling a tale to my friends.. there had been times i ve almost said..go to hell...and picked up my phone to dial...(i was saved by no balance in my cell)..but i survived... and i m not gonna give up...i m gonna endure my own 30 days of solitude...i shud not worry..i have my brain and my heart to talk to..i m in exellent company
yes i broke the rule once too...but then my exile must not cost anyone his future...
will be back... ciao.. and see u on 7th march....

taking a sabbatical.. and murdering the last resolution...

sabbatical : noun; a education or learning related break/leave

guys and girls...
this is to notify each and every near and dear one.. and those who still care for me (though, frankly my dear, i dnt give a damn)...that i, pawas k neer on turning 21 legally (now i can marry...huh) will be taking a short and small break.. from the seventh day of this month to 6th of the next, i will, solemnly (try) stay away from my regular pattern of life (i wil be going to office of course, one needs bread and kitkat even on a break).. during this period, i will not keep in touch with my friends (there are not a lot left).. except in the case of some emergency (where i wud be useless anyways)... i knw this may effect you in many myrid kind of ways.. some of u may jump in air (much like brett lee) and say good riddance for a month.. some may call it stupidity.. some may ignore this post altogether.. but i promise watever u think i will be trying my best to achive what i ve set out to do.. and i knw i need all of ur strength to do that.. so plz pray for me..
urs truly
neer

good bye... resolutions await...

hello, hugs and kisses...
sometimes i really think (and have also been suggested) that this blog shud be named resolutions special.. well, to the people who r really getting tired of this there is a good news.. its nearly over nw.. nearly.. we ve successfull in getting past those ugly (and tough) hurdles so far.. but one still stand still.. so friends its time to take the bull by horns.. (sanjana... hate me or love me.. i m thankfull to u for something so important that u dont understand).. so its time for the resolution no. 8.. for details see this space tomorrow.. see ya...
meanwhile..एक सवाल था..शिवसेना वाले कह रहे हैं मुंबई बीजेपी वालों के बाप की नहीं है... बीजेपी वाले कह रहे हैं ठाकरे के बाप की नहीं है...तो आप ही बताइए मुंबई किसके बाप की है
think, till then keep well, c u 2mrw

towards arden....

now this is the tenth post...
so is this something to celebrate..ha..the mention of the word 'celebrate' brings back memories..memories that are weeks old...there is no possibility of having those same celebrations for a near future..yes...its been ruined a bit, ruined by our own successes....
now last time we were sharing this same space, i talked to u about some questions and answers...
questions and answers are an essential part of our life... the more answers u know the more questions u raise.. so last time i had learnt... that i was a scandalous but funny and intelligent oppurtunist with a hidden pesonality.. thats wat some of my best friend thought of me..
thats wat sums up my life...a scandalous but funny and intelligent oppurtunist with a hidden personality.. huh...
now u cud keep a answer and chew over it....hold some grudge...or u cud fold it like a paper and fly an imaginary paper plane..and forget it... or there is third option..to think about it.. to get some time alone... use these answers as food for thought...and wonder what cud have been different.. what i cud have done differently.. so the answer was a little different...so i was nt just a scandalous but funny and intelligent oppurtunist with a hidden personality... or maybe a good friend or good guy was adedd in between...but all those who wander are not lost... so my dear heart dont feel forlorn..maybe the times will change..or maybe thy master... maybe i wud hav to make an effort...so i am something else... or at least i m nothing... lets walk together.. in a world where nobody knows us ... nobody cares for us... where i m no 'scandalous but funny and intelligent oppurtunist with a hidden personality'... lets walk my friend... towards arden....

मैंने क्या किया है अपनी ज़िन्दगी का

इस सवाल का जवाब ढूँढना शायद बहुत मुश्किल हो....पर मेरे बहुत आसान था ...मैंने अपने कुछ दोस्तों (कुल 5) से ये सीधे पुच लिया ..उनके जवाब भी वही थे जो मैं सुनना चाहता था ..कुछ शब्द बार-बार उभर कर सामने आये ...समझदार (लोग हसेंगे मेरे पे, यार), मौकापरस्त, मस्त, जोकर, हिडेन पर्सनालिटी आदि ... सवाल भी कई है जवाब कल....

to be wat u are or pretend wat u want to be...

closer...further...closer...i m so confused...

taking tough decisions...well, its tough, but then we have to take one at times...
i just took one...congrats to me...(ha ha ha)...
i don't know whether i will be hold unto my decision...but then...if u don't try u don't fail but neither do u succeed....
i have decided and will try to abide by my decision....

anywaz thats not what i ve come to talk about....i wanna talk abt...the difference between, confusion and decision...closeness and distance...yes and no...
silence....
what do u think of silence....is it a gud thing..or the most lonely thing in the world...i don't know...but i wanna know..help me....

pawas neer and the curse of resolutions....II

sorry folks.....
sorry for being late....i have no idea whats been keeping me busy...but surely i was as busy as the pakistani terrorists (btw, they have been killing 6 ppl everyday, their average is better than A-Rod...or in desi language better than dhoni batting second....all the pun intended)..but i was busy alrite...but it happens if everyday in ur life is as frustratious as mine...

anywaz lets continue where we left last time....ah i see u frowning...no i m nt letting u go....

yes i remember quite well the agonizing and somewhat fun resolutions prescribed to me by one sanjana jha...(yes, my long lost friend...i knw u r laughing there but i m laughin harder sanj, cause its snowing terribly out there...yes i knw...damn,trust me, i wrk in a newspaper for god's sake, girl)....

ok i m getting distracted......so lets come back to the main bussiness.....ah, the resolutions...nw some of u have been asking about callin them cursed....that reminds me that i have to curse those been readin my posts bt nt commenting on then.....(bad people, ha ha ha).....these resolutions are cursed as they have been given to me by.....ha ha ha...ok not u....but these resolutions are so tough.... (think abt combing ur hair daily, its tough man)....and the actual reason that these resolutions are so cursed that i ve tried...and failed time and again to abide by them in past...this year i ve u and of crse my long lost friend to sqeeze me through them....
ok ok...its been much ado abt nothing so far..so here it goes....

5. i have to, stay closer to my cellphone, pick up more calls and use less and less of my phone on meeting mode....simply i shoud be avalible when somebody calls....

6. i have to write my blog more regularily....

7. i have to restart writing and poetry....i must produce one piece of litereture(?) every week....

8. last and the most important and tough one....i have to stay away from my friends for a month (which means no calls, no contact, no milna-julna for 30 days)...sanjana has set this one as my ultimate test....i get to choose the time...any time in the year....and i m totally dreading doing that....but i still think i can pull this one off.....

so now u know why these resolutions are so 'cursed'.....
hoping u will share ur truest feeling about them.....

so far i ve been maintaining a 100 percent track record....ok i have been excused bathing till minimum temp. in delhi returns to over 10 degree celcius......

i hope u will witness, oversee and control the fulfillment of these resolutions....

urs falsely
pawas neer............

pawas neer and the curse of the resolutions....I

ab pachtaye ka hot...

whats the the biggest bind one can feel? .....trust me, its the little pinky promise.....so now i m hitchhiking into foreign memory lanes....just to uphold the pinky promise to my friend (she is going gaga every time i am calling her that).... i made some resolutions...god help me, here it goes...

i, pawas n. kumar, duly and solemly swear, that i, too my best of abilities and desire, would try to adhere and follow these resolutions...and would not hesistate and deny them even if its a question of chandan's life and death...(ok just kidding).....so please bear me....lets pray- god bless america and hope- america blesses us....

my resolutions are that...

1. i would try to be more careful and tidy this year.....which means chores like...combing my hair, taking a bath, having a meal are to be done more regularily....(tough one)

2. i would try to stay away from useless ppl...yeah, u guessed rite i m talking abt u....(ha ha ha).....(easy one)

3. i should think more protectingly and professionly abt my career...(tell me hw its done)

4. i should stay away from my own alter ago....yes, there is one...there are times when i lose my temper, i say things i regret...i guess...(it involves three things, first i will have to find that alter ago, then i would have to confront him and then do the needful...)

Next _ pawas neer and the curse of the resolutions-II

2010.....it izz then...
nw there has been a lot of hullabullo and discusscion (if only in a particular newspaper)...about wat to call the new year ...is it twenty ten or two thousand ten?....but then i say...what goes my father....?

but most certainly, its a new year which means that i'll have to be more careful when signing checks....but other than that, does it matter?....i dont think so....yes there will be some of us who would humbly remind me thats it's the time for new thoughts and resolutions...bt frankly, my dear i dont give a damn....all of us have commmisioned and ommissioned our own set of new year resolutions some or the other year....and unsurprisingly my batting average is very much like courtney walsh's on this issue......

but then 'ek hi gumah baar-baar karta hun...' so when a very long lost (i ve tried very hard to loose him, but he has been coming back for long) friend of mine bored me with incredible (and mostly hazardous) resolutions for 2010... i took the bait.... (i guess the chilly weather n the vodka also conspired against me).... and now on the very first day of the new year....i m starin at the list of 'to-dos' for the year..not unlike a hindi filmi chaste heroine who had lost her senses and her faked virginity overnite....

'par hum to dubenge sanam tumko bhi le dubenge...' so if u are making the cardinal mistake of still readin' this...congrats and miseries as u r nw a party of this.....so u'll have to witness and bear with me those resolutions of mine...u, my dear sir will have to be the watchful eye and oversee how i fulfill those silly mistakes of my life...u, my friend will have to, be my santa....note it down..or maybe better, make it ur resolution....and watch out this space....as i leash out at u with my 'new year doieeees' ....adios..............

next.....
pawas neer and the curse of the resolutions... (coming soon)